Restless
by nightmistress85
Summary: After returning from the road trip, Trent reflects on a few things. And he has a late night talk with... MAJOR *PALE DEMON* SPOILERS inside. Don't say I didn't warn you if you haven't read the book yet. Trent/Rachel, I suppose?


A/N: I waited a month since reading the ARC to write something. I put this up briefly before, but then took it down, deciding to wait closer until the official release. At first I didn't even know if I wanted to write a fic, but then I had a hankering to do something from Trent's POV and couldn't wait anymore. I may or may not make this multi-chapter. Anyway R/Rs are always appreciated. And just one last warning that this fic contains MAJOR PALE DEMON SPOILERS!

* * *

I settled Lucy into her bassinet as she barely made a sound. I sighed and smiled, realizing that this would be the routine for a while.

The drive home from Rachel's had been relatively quiet. I expected Quen to have a million questions about our journey that I didn't discuss over the phone, as well as pry about my impromptu discussion with Rachel once we dropped everyone off. However, he surprisingly didn't. He must have sensed my mental and physical exhaustion, and my eagerness to simply bring my little one home for the first time. I was grateful that my efforts to have her nursery decorated weren't in vain.

It hit me again that I had done it. It was still hard to believe that she was mine. From now on life would be different. Soon enough we'd be hearing two sets of little feet running around the house. That would be the easy part. Raising her and preparing her to be a future influence for our people...that would be another challenge. But I would leave that worry for later as I kissed her on her forehead and adjusted her blanket. Ensuring that her monitor was on loud and clear, I left for my own room.

In my own quarters I removed my shirt, my missing fingers allowing for slight awkwardness. This would take getting used to as well, but considering the alternative-like being dead-I thought I was adjusting fairly well. And at least Rachel would be okay. I touched my right arm where the familiar mark was that tied me to her. I grimaced at the blasted smiley-face which was now in its place. At least that _awful _dandelion scent was gone, but I was still far from thrilled about it. I couldn't help but wonder if Rachel's was the same. I hadn't yet managed to find out, but I would.

Walking to my window, staring at the dead of night, my thoughts then drifted to her and our kiss. I hadn't told Quen exactly what had happened between Rachel and me, aside from having to put her soul in a bottle in order to save her life. Newer charms didn't require a kiss to place the soul back into the body, and he didn't pry as to which type I'd used. Besides, we were to "forget it" so she said, but I guess somewhere inside, I was hoping she wouldn't. Though it pained me to admit it, I knew I couldn't. I put all of me into that kiss. And she pulled _me_ back for more. We had both been through the ringer. She was comatose, recovering from her burns while I was bruised and battered. Yet through all of the confusion, tension, and awkwardness, I'd found her surprisingly beautiful. Passionate. Titillating. So, why wasn't I enough? I supposed I had never been enough for any woman because here I was, alone.

I removed my pants slowly over my cast, then gathered my clothes on my way to the bathroom. I tossed them in the laundry shoot and then walked to my sink, leaning over it with my fists to either side as I looked at the drain, sighing. I raised my head to see myself in the mirror. Glancing towards the door in the reflection, I smirked as I thought back to Rachel staring at me, obviously liking what she was seeing at the hotel in San Francisco. She'd been surprised to see me catch her. And with that memory, I was all the more confused. I couldn't help but wonder if she was lying to me about forgetting our kiss, but perhaps it would be for the best. Though this journey had made us better in many ways, we were back home with expectations to fill. I would be extremely busy with press conferences and interviews when I revealed that our species was, in fact, not extinct. There would be fires to put out everywhere. Perhaps trying to pursue a relationship with a sworn enemy of our race wouldn't be the best idea right now. Not to mention, I did ask Rachel to lay low. Any spotlight on me would mean spotlight on her.

As I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I felt a sudden tinge of nervousness. Knowing Rachel, could she really stay out of trouble? Even when she wasn't looking for it, it had a tendency to find her. I couldn't be her babysitter, but it was oddly satisfying to protect her and to be the only one who could save her. She'd certainly done it for me a few times. After wiping my face and giving myself one last look in the mirror, I headed for bed.

Laying back on the bed I sighed again, staring at the ceiling. I then looked to my left and to my right. I had slept on this bed practically every night, so why did it suddenly feel...bigger? Empty? I was happy. I had my little girl and I loved her more than life itself. That I was sure of. My world was complete, wasn't it?

_Damn it. You know the answer to that.  
_

I had fulfilled my biggest duty as an elf with Lucy, but in the back of my mind I wondered about her future. What if she were to fall in love with someone who was not an elf? Lucy's position would be crucial. She was mine and Ellasbeth's; we created her though neither of us made each other happy. Above all, I just wanted my daughter to be happy and healthy, but I'd be kidding myself if I didn't consider that potential roadblock. In her position, every decision would be scrutinized. She would be pressured to set an example. How fair would it be if I didn't do the same?

Jet lag must have been affecting me. I was tired, yet wide awake. It didn't help that a million thoughts were crossing my mind. With a grunt, I got up, put on my robe, and left.

* * *

In the kitchen, I perused the fridge for anything that could help me sleep. Perhaps a cup of Valerian tea would do. Shifting my search to the cupboards, I found a full box of it.

"Trouble sleeping?" I heard Ceri say from the doorway.

I looked at her and smiled. "Good evening, Ceri. You're looking well." For being 9 months pregnant she was undoubtedly exhausted, yet she still carried herself with unsurpassed joy, grace and pride. "I should ask you the same. Aren't you usually fast asleep at this hour?" I asked while prepping my tea.

"Yes, but I was craving a midnight snack," she said, entering the kitchen.

"Is there anything I can get you? I could make you something if you'd like," I offered.

"No, but thank you. Quen offered as well, but I can manage. Maggie's been wonderful with having healthy meals ready for me," she said with a smile as she opened the fridge and grabbed a wrapped bowl of fruit salad.

She sat down at a stool along one of the island counters and I joined her, cup in hand.

"So just a few days now," I stated lightly.

"Yes," she sighed looking straight ahead, readiness in the sound. "So how are you adjusting...to everything?" she asked, turning to me while taking a bite of cantaloupe, shooting a glance to my damaged hand.

"Well, as for this," I started, holding my hand up, "At least I'm alive. As for Lucy," I continued, putting it down, "I feel like I was born to do this. Right now I'm trying to juggle the ideas of family and public responsibility. I'm trying to mentally prepare for our proclamation. It's harder than I thought as it sinks in that my word and our children's existence will affect a whole race of people." Sure, I was a businessman with hundreds of staff, but this felt completely personal now. I couldn't completely control what elves would do, let alone the backlash we'd get from keeping our secrecy this entire time.

"But you've sacrificed _so_ much for this, Trent. You will figure it out," she reassured me, briefly touching my shoulder.

"You and Quen have been a godsend," I told her, truly grateful to have their support.

"We're glad to help in any way we can. I wish we could have helped in your journey, but I'm glad Rachel and her team were there."

"Yeah," I said distantly, looking towards the other end of the kitchen.

"So...how is she?" she asked. I turned to see her smiling softly as she could sense my thoughts going to Rachel.

"She's Lucy's godmother," I said lightly.

"Oh! That's wonderful!" she said, elated to hear the news. "Do you think she'd be willing to take on that job for me and Quen?"

"You'd have to ask her, but I'm sure she'd be much obliged," I assured her. "In addition to that, I've asked her to lay low for 6 months. I am trying to get laws passed to protect her, considering there's currently nothing on the books for demons or their magic. But if we know Rachel, we know that will be a tall order," I said, failing to hide my concern.

"She tries. She really does," she said with enthusiasm.

"Don't I know it," I sighed.

"Well, you're doing a really good thing. She's going to have plenty of challenges soon enough."

"Join the club," I teased with a chuckle.

"So, you had to put her soul in a bottle I heard," she said, shifting topics and obviously wanting details.

"Yes, I did. It was a very frantic situation, but she's alive and well," I admitted, controlled and precise.

"Hmm." She took another bite of fruit, delaying her next statement. "You liked it, didn't you?"

"I beg your pardon," I quickly responded, taken aback that she'd gotten to the point so quickly.

"Kissing her," she said with a smirk, almost teasingly.

"Ceri," I started shaking my head. "I-"

"It's okay. You can be honest with me. I was just curious."

Hesitating, I focused on the cup of tea in front of me. "I doesn't matter," I stated, then took a large sip, practically a shot's worth. "It changes nothing." I looked back at her.

"Are you completely sure?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Rachel wants to forget it. And...it's for the best if we do," I said, attempting to convince myself, though Ceri didn't seem to buy it. She took another bite of fruit.

"I haven't known you for as long as Quen, but from what I can tell, you don't give up easily on what's important to you."

"I can't force her to feel what she doesn't. I honestly don't even know what I'm feeling."

"Oh, I think you do."

I really wasn't in the mood for this tonight, but far be it from me to do anything less than to humor her. "Ceri, it wouldn't work," I said softly.

"You keep telling yourself that." I could sense the sarcasm. I was sure she thought back to how I ruined my chances with her, rejecting her because I was unable to see past the smut on her aura as a result of being Al's familiar for a millennium.

"I'm sorry...for hurting you. I couldn't get past my own inhibitions with black magic, and it ended-" I stopped as she quickly raised her hand.

"Trent, please. I really think it was for the best, what happened," she said frankly. I nodded and thought back to Lucy. Perhaps she was right. Potentially having two women pregnant with my children at once would have been slightly ridiculous. Even still, it didn't change the fact that I had deeply hurt her back then. I would have to live with that forever.

"So," she started, interested in changing the subject, "I heard you ran into your fair share of difficulty between getting Lucy and saving Rachel. Ku'Sox. Really, Trent?" she was disbelieving.

Agitated, I rubbed my forehead. "It wasn't pretty, but the turn of events at least helped Rachel to regain her freedom once again."

"While being cut off from the lines for now," she added, eating the last piece of fruit. She hopped off the stool and carried her empty bowl to the dishwasher.

"She knows she can get back there," I insisted, though she seemed to be ignoring me.

"I'm glad you were able to get Lucy, Trent," she said as she was nearing the doorway.

"Thank you." My response was short.

"Goodnig-"

"I don't know what to do Ceri!" I exclaimed. "We can't always get what we want."

She stopped in the doorway and turned back to me. "Trent, it is up to you to realize that some of the things you want are actually what you _need_," she stressed. "If you want my opinion, you two would be wonderful together. When you are ready, go to her. But don't wait too long. She is not going to wait for you," she stated. Quen must have been rubbing off on her. I could imagine him saying just that. He'd always liked Rachel. Everyone important in my life seemed to, from Lucy to Tulpa. Jonathan was the only exception...and Ellasbeth of course.

"Goodnight, Ceri," I managed to say. Ceri was right however. She herself didn't wait for me. Not that I could blame her.

"Goodnight, Trent." She gave me a lasting smile with a pinch of worry, and then she was gone.

I took the last few sips of my tea and left as well, though I was sure this topic of conversation would do nothing to relax me.

* * *

A/N: Chapter 2 is in the works!


End file.
